Beginnings Suck

My name is Lauren.  I am 37 years old and I have a moderately promising career, a leased vehicle, 2 cats, a boyfriend and his 5 year old son.  I weigh 430 lbs approximately, down from 457 a month ago.

I'm in the midst of preparation for Gastric Bypass because I don't want to live afraid or be limited as I'm starting to be with my walking and ability to stand up for long periods of time.

My boyfriend of 2 years and I have NO sex life.  He claims it is because he's old but I know, and we've talked about how it's too difficult to have missionary sex because of his lack of stamina and my stomach and thighs.  I believe it's also a mental thing because he feels powerless a lot of the time.

He doesn't work, so I'm responsible for the finances until he gets a job.  It's been 2 years and he's worked a total of 5 weeks until he got fired because he broke his leg and they were working him more than he was allowed to work.

He says his son comes first, so he has to find work that works around his parenting schedule.  I'm going to have to talk to him about that.because he's never going to find anything if he keeps being that picky.  Additionally, I feel resentful that I am in charge of taking care of him and his son, paying for his son's tuition at pre-school.  I want to say that I won't pay it anymore but I'm afraid that JJ (not his real name) will be pulled out of the pre-school program..

This relationship has been hard from the very beginning and at times, I don't even want to be in it anymore.  He gets angry and reacts like a child with bunched up fists and trying to intimidate and screaming mean things to try to hurt me like "he's been hurt" because he feels like I'm attacking him.
Couples counseling has been going okay and I know he's really trying with his anger stuff. 

I had to quit smoking, smoking pot, binge eating and I am going to have to give up coffee.  All for the surgery tentatively scheduled for July.  If I don't develop healthier coping mechanisms, it's going to get bad, so here I am.

We fought just now about the money because, as usual, we spend it recklessly and then have more trouble covering everything than we should.  He got angry and started saying how I'm resentful and that causes problems.  What I really want to say is "Of course I'm resentful!  I'm supposed to suddenly be financially responsible for a family of 3 for the past 2 years while I've waited for you to get a job...any job.  If your son is so important to you, then go to work so that you can afford to pay for his things yourself."

I won't say that because I'm afraid of the blow up afterward.  How long does it take for someone that is 45 years old to change their ways and control their nasty, violent temper?  I believe that he is trying really hard to change.  It just kills me that I just have to take it if I want things to work.

That's all for now.