My boyfriend can be kind, considerate, sweet, loving, and romantic. He is a wonderful father. He can also be an abusive shithead. Verbally, emotionally, he smacks his boy and he even lightly slapped me once.
We are in couples therapy and both in individual therapy and I can see how hard he's trying. His angry episodes have decreased significantly. Even when he is angry, we can talk about it rationally. Either in the moment or after we take some time to think. Things have been a lot better.....
Then his ex (mother of boy) got back with her alcoholic, abusive boyfriend (from here on will be called aab) and he's still been handling it pretty well considering he wants the aab to never be around the boy. The problem being that the boy is 5 and loves the aab because he doesn't see that side of him.
Last night we were trying to find out when we would get him on father's day because my family is having a get together and she (from here on to be called "ex" ) usually has him on Saturdays. He is told that "aab wants to spend time with him too." While I get that...boyfriend is his father. .. and he's a good father. I love the boy very much but I didn't make a fuss on mother's day because she is his mother and she gets first (and only if she wants) dibs over me... always.... but especially on mother's day. I'm okay with that because I'm a mature fucking adult. As opposed to two grown men with their shriveled dicks out for measurement.... and every close swordfighting.
So anyway, we are talking about this...bf and I... and I mention how I didn't make a fuss on mother's day. Then I have the gall to ask him if he remembered to all her if we could have the boy child a few hours on that saturday for my niece's birthday party and all hell broke loose. He's in my face screaming at me about how I ask too much and blah blah, idiot, stupid, selfish, blah blah. Essentially the things he wants to be saying to his ex. I'm not engaging. I say "I am not who you are angry at, I am walking away" the boy child is there and wants to know why we are fighting and bf turns on him and starts shouting and trash talking the ex and aab. Saying things that definitely should not be heard by a 5 year old. At that point I step in and tell him he needs to stop and I tell the boy child that it's not his fault and daddy isn't mad at him. This pushes through the red haze that bf is experiencing and he sits with bc to talk and apologize and I make my escape to melt down in the other room. He comes in after to apologize. I accept his apology and tell him that he needs to stop flipping in front of the boy because he doesn't deserve to hear shit talked about his mom and aab and That bf Durant want to be that guy. That he doesn't see his parents imperfections, he just loves them all unconditionally. Whether or not ex calls aab his parent is not our call. All we can do is our best. He agreed and apologized to both of us again and suggested we hit sonic for dinner. I agreed.....to be continued. I decided not to continue this because there is no punt to dredging up the past.
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